A Horror to God?

At the end of the "Human Wickedness" chapter, this phrase stuck in my mind: "we actually are, at present, creatures whose character must be, in some respects, a horror to God" (62). The word "horror" is what truly caught me. We appear as a "horror to God"...wait, that's not the benevolent view I want God to have of me. I thought I always appear as a "child" in His sight. Yet when I think how often I continue to commit the same sin regardless of the grace of Christ, how frequent I think myself "a better Christian" than others, and how many times I fail in placing God first in my life...that's pretty horrific of me. God has given me everything--life, liberty, love of friends and family...and yet it's not enough! I want more, I want things for me; I'm selfish, greedy, and unappreciate and undeserving of this marvelous Love that exists not just for me but for all. The Psalmist says "For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God...For great is your love toward me" (Pslam 86:10, 13)

This then leads me to the next part of the phrase from Lewis: "when we really see it, a horror to ourselves." In that moment when God's grace falls upon us, when our convictions arise and we see ourselves laid bare, are we not horrified? I know at times I've been shocked to see how far I'd strayed from Him. How did I get here? That question has burned in my mind at certain moments of my walk with Christ--moments after Jesus rescued me from despair and brought me to the Truth. So now we have this word "horror" to describe our wickedness, our human failing in God's eyes...and yet, when it comes down to it, I believe the grace of God surpasses this label.

The sacrifice of Christ has cleansed us from continuing to appear as this "horror" to God. I think Lewis simply used the word to describe the reaction we have to the convictions of our sin. When our failings become so evident to us, how could we not grow fearful of our appearance. But thankfully, I believe we serve a God that we need be afraid of; "fear" yes, but only in a reverance tone. God is Love, unfailing, unending Love--and that Love overrides the "horror" of humanity.