After reading Lewis's "A Grief Observed", I am astounded once again by the phenomenal ability Lewis has to put extremely difficult concepts into words that an ordinary human can understand. Looking back through the book, I see there are many things that I marked down that really stuck out to me, but I'll focus on one. It's the part, starting on page 44 (Chapter 3), where Lewis talks about a morning where his "heart was lighter than it had been for many weeks" (p. 44). This happiness catches Lewis off guard. He goes on to explain how it's not him getting over H. or forgetting about her, but it's him remembering her better because he has partially got over the initial emotional trama of losing his wife. Lewis also suspects that the intensity of his desire to remember H. was the very reason he felt as if he was "staring into a vacuum" when he thought about her.
Lewis says our relationship with God can be the same way at times. Are the times we desperately try to hear His call for us, or intentially pursue what His will for us is, often the times when we feel God has slammed the door on us, as Lewis puts it? He states, "Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear" (p. 46). Of course, I'm not saying that being desperate for God is a bad thing!
This got me thinking about how desperate my pursuit of God should be. After reading Lewis's opinion which I summarized above, I feel as if sometimes I'm trying to hear God's voice or hear His will through my own effort. I'll read the Bible, pray often, talk to others, and so on about whatever it is I'm seeking. It's like the more effort I put into the pursuit, the more likely I will get the "answer" I'm looking for. The dilemma that I'm thinking about right now is where do I draw the line and, in a way, move on with my life and trust that God will do His will. "Let go, and let God", so to speak. Maybe, like Lewis, it's my own cries that prevent me from hearing that voice I hope to hear.
This is cool observation, Brandon. I found frustration in Lewis' opinion because it was something I've had difficulty in my own faith journey. Those certain moments when I desperate run after God and seek to understand, and I feel as if all there is is that "vacuum" Lewis spoke of. And yet there are other moments when out of nowhere God will speak and I'll see as clearly as humanly possible for me, or at least discern enoug that: "yes, this is God's path for me."
ReplyDeleteI think a balance is something I need to strive for in my faith--trust and action. Perhaps,this balance could help prevent my own searching from getting in the way of just living out the Love of Christ. Perhaps the door's always open, my own humanity is keeping it shut?