Religion and Politics

The last few days in class we have discussed religion and politics. We’ve talked about how as humans we all try our best to interpret scripture, but this means that we will each interpret it differently. We discussed the fact that devout Christians who know God’s word very well can be both liberals and conservatives. Each group is convinced that their way of thinking is the right way, and that the opposite group must not know the scripture very well, but that’s where we are wrong. This was somewhat of a wake up call to me. I think too often I believe something without knowing ALL of the facts behind it. One example is abortion. When it comes to politics I am not a very outspoken individual, mainly because I do not have enough knowledge in this area to say much. I have always disagreed with abortion. Yet, it was not until recently that I learned that birth control pills can be looked at as a kind of abortion. So although I still am against abortions, its important for me to know that in a small way I am contradicting myself when I do agree with the use of the pills, and I need to know that this will frustrate people. I think in general, my eyes have really been opened. To often I believe something without having much factual knowledge. I need to start questioning what I believe a little more.

Full Hands

When everything in our life seems to be going well we tend to forget about God. We don’t spend that quality time with him that we would spend if we really needed his help. Its when we go through the hard times in life that we rely on God. That’s when we talk with him the most, and spend the most time in His word, hoping he will “say” something to us or give us encouragement. Lewis quotes St. Augustine in the The Problem of Pain saying, “God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full—there’s nowhere for him to put it.” When times are good, we don’t allow God to work in our lives, yet when times are bad we run to him begging for his help. I can somewhat understand why God allows us to struggle so much. He wants a relationship with us! And it is in the darkest times of our life that we spend the most time with him. He’s doing it out of Love, but its hard to see it that way. Lewis points out that we go to God as a last resort. “We regard God as an airman regards his parachute, it is there for emergencies but he hopes he never has to use it.” What is so impressive is that God still continues to seek us and come down to our level even though so many only choose him as a last resort. It truly shows how selfless and humble our Savior is.

Screwtape's Wisdom

I sincerely appreciated what Screwtape had to say about the "Enemy's" desire for humans' view of each others' abilities and how he noted humans tend to understand each others' abilities in a way that is contrary to what the "Enemy" desires for them. Also, I find an interesting link between the "Enemy's" desire for humans' love for one another and the idea of Till We Have Faces that we will truly have a face when we can see beyond ourselves.

Screwtape noted that humans tend to hold their abilities and esteem them highly as if they believed their ability made them unique in comparison to another. Humans tend to view themselves as better than each other in this way even in spiritual matters. Screwtape explained that the Enemy yearns for humans to be equally fulfilled in others' abilities and successes as they are in their own - for them to experience true community.

The connection between God's goal for humankind's community with one another and my favorite theme from Till We Have Faces that once we can truly desire the betterment of others rather than personal satisfaction we will have a face. For example, I believe on could be outwardly doing works for others but deep within themselves, without their knowing it, be doing these works in the context of "Christianity" (Christianity is an inclusive group to belong to and do things for, a person could also do things for a choir, baseball team, business, etc to feel needed) to feel needed and included for themselves more so than they are doing the good deed for the person they are helping.

I desire to fully rejoice in others' abilities and successes rather than to compare them to myself as a method of asking myself, "Am I enough?". I also desire to give myself fully to others and to rejoice in their betterment more so than I care about my "important role". I suppose that recognition is a good step towards becoming more sanctified in this arena. Hopefully myself and others can take the necessary steps to live in true community with one another.

Time is confusing

I’m sorry, this goes back to The Great Divorce, but I want to talk about a few things. Near the end of the story, the narrator sees “an assembly of gigantic forms all motionless,” standing around a table with a chess board on it. The chess pieces are “puppet representatives” of the enormous beings standing around, and the representatives appear as they do in the world. The board represents Time, and the loafing giants are the immortal souls of the people on the board. The narrator is taken quite aback by this observation, and spirals into a storm of questions and panic.

My mind is boggled in much the same way, but I’ll try to think out loud and flesh some of this out. Time is a terribly confusing thing, as I leaned by watching specials on the Science Chanel. We live life moment by moment because we can only view time in the present. Our experiences happen, but are instantly lost to our past. In a similar way, our futures are uncertain and completely intangible. I think what Lewis may be depicting (or at least what I see it as) here is our souls--our essential persons--as they appear free from the lens of time. That is to say, our lives displayed as a whole, all at once in the same frame.

The example my mind uses to picture this is, if you recorded video of your entire life and then took each frame of film and fused each image of your body to the edge of the next image of your body, you would get a representation of your body as it was in each moment in time, but be able to see every moment at one moment. Your body would stretch for miles and become this enormously long picture of your entire life.

As Macdonald sort of explains, we could not possibly bear to view our eternal souls as they appear without the lens of time. For many reasons , we are only capable of comprehending a fraction of our souls. I have to agree with Macdonald in that to see every one of my actions and choices and the results of those as well as the eternal choice I make (Heaven or Hell/nothingness) as a whole would be far too much.

Loss of Faith Used for Good?

Over the past two weeks of this class, I have experienced my second reading of The Screwtape Letters. I guess that I was thinking that reading it for a class and it being a second time I would find some new insight into what Lewis was saying and that something new would stand out to me. Instead I have found that what really struck me the first time I read Screwtape was still the most influential part of the book for me. This part was the letter on the trough periods.

When I think about the trough periods I have always seen it as, not so much a terrible period in life where absolutely everything is going wrong but, a period where my faith seems to be at a standstill. Screwtape tells Wormwood that after every period when God seems so close and having faith is so easy "Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, as least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives" (page 40). The theory here is that God wants us to be able to stand up on our own two feet and go to him of our own choosing; He will be there to support us at the beginning and at periods along the way, but like a parent teaching a child to walk, he will let go and make us go it on our own at times. I feel like this is the trough that Screwtape talks about. When you are at the Peak, it is easy to praise God for all He has done for you, and when you are at the absolute bottom, there is no place to look but up, but when everything is okay and life is on autopilot and you don't see God's presence in your life...what do you do then?

For me, this has been when my faith seems to suffer the most, especially at an institution like Northwestern. It seems to me that in a Christian community, people are less likely to admit when they don't feel God. There have been times that it has been hard for me to be surrounded by so many Christians who don't seem to experience the same low periods in their faith as I do. I think this is why it sticks out to me in Lewis' writing. Whether or not Lewis gets it exactly right, I think that it was important for me to hear what he, or Screwtape, has to say about the law of undulation and that at least one other person has gone through that period where God seems absent and losing your faith is easy. After constantly being bombarded with the "don't let this be a spiritual high, make it a spiritual upgrade" propaganda I needed to hear that everyone's life is filled with ups and downs.

I also appreciated the discussion of growing through the troughs, but what really hit me this time was when Screwtape tells Wormwood that "Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys" (page 40). I realize that Screwtape is referring to Christ in this statement, but I wonder how this can be applied to our lives. Is it possible that we can lose our faith and still obey what God says? Can we do what His will without desiring to do it? One person already did. When God lets go, and wants us to walk on our own but leaves us with an empty feeling inside, what do we do? Can a lack of faith truly be turned into something good by simply doing?

A prayer as well...

This is kind of in response to Jefferey's last post. Reading through his post, I was also plagued with thoughts about prayer. There are so many different kinds of prayer out there. Which kind is right? Which kind does God "prefer"? Through my years of experience and visiting and learning about different denominations and their forms of prayer, I have learned that all prayer is beautiful and sacred to God. There is something beautiful encased in the liturgical prayers of the Anglican church. Truth that is spoken through them. As well, as there is beauty in the simply cry out to Jesus with one's whole heart, to be simply broken, open, real, to talk to Jesus as if He was your best friend sitting next to you.

It's so easy, however, to simply fall into the rhythm of prayer, to not really mean the words but to simply say the words or to pray simply because we feel forced to pray in order to be a "good" Christian. The Christian life can become so discouraging if you don't feel like you can connect to God through prayer. So what do you do? I honestly don't know. I would say keep trudging through and ask God to simply open yourself. I personally have found it the easiest to journal my prayers, otherwise, I become easily distracted by things around me or I can't form the words to say. Writing things down have always been easier for me. Things have always been easier to be put into words and I don't have to stumble with what I'm saying, I can simply say whats on my heart.

So whether you orally say your prayers, journal them or read them out of a book, just remember to try to put your whole heart behind it. Think about the words you are writing on the page, reading on the page or speaking. They are more than just words, they are words to our Savior. I don't think God cares if we have the rithgt words. Simply that we are talking with him and communing with his spirit.

Prayer, Prayer, Prayer

Recently in class we put a lot of thought and talk into prayer and since then it's been grounded quite firmly in my mind. I've looked at how I pray, how I feel during prayer, what images and emotions am I tossing around in my head during the prayer itself...this line of thinking went on and on until I came to the conclusion: stop thinking about prayer! While I'm spending so much effort and thought into what my prayer life looks like, am I not moving away from the very idea of prayer--talking to God.

"Not to what I think thou art but to what thou knowest thyself to be" (pg 30 of my edition of Screwtape)

Prayer isn't about creating some extravagant image of God to worship in my mind or belting out an expansive and poetic speech as if I were before an audience--it's just talking to my Heavenly Father. I like to look at how Jesus prayed in Scripture. Yes, he taught his disciples the Lord's Prayer, but when I read into it I simply see Jesus praying to his Father, communicating with the One who made all things. I think prayer like faith is a personal issue--it can take whatever form fits you because God desires relationship and a relationship is all about personal communication.

When I look at John 17 and how Jesus continually prays that "they may be one as we are one"--I like to imagine this can relate to our prayer life. In prayer we can seek that "oneness", communicating to God our desire to be "one". It is in this state of "oneness" with God that I believe you can pray however you wish, if it's creating images or feelings in your head, singing hymns, reciting poetry to the King, or simply sitting in the silence as saying "I love you Lord"...I think it all works as long as that focus is on Him above. Screwtape writes to Wormwood that the goal is to divert the attention towards the self and away from God. The self and worldy distractions are where we lose that "oneness", when our relationship with Him is at risk to prostitution of the self away from our true Love.

I wonder how C.S. Lewis prayed? Yet then I think again, it doesn't matter. What matters is that my focus of prayer is simply on Him, that I'm honest in my communication with my Heavenly Father. Yes, I'm broken, selfish, and easily distracted...but Jesus prayed that we would be "one" as he and God were one. In the love of Christ, I can pull away from my self and seek the glorious "oneness" with God.

Those Darn Gray Areas

As I've been reading through "The Screwtape Letters", a linking idea that I've noticed in a lot of the battles fought between the demons and the Enemy(God) is how fine a line some of these issues have. What I mean is that the moment where actions or thoughts by humans go from pleasing God to pleasing the demons is often very difficult for humans to even see. An example from the book is the idea that natural pleasures are in themselves perfectly good, but become evil when twisted by sin. Another is when Lewis, through Screwtape, is describing how charity, giving-up of ourselves, etc. is awesome by itself, but when we acknowledge it and actually think about our charity, it becomes prideful. This issue that I'm wrestling with was mentioned a lot in class by Brittany [I think I got the name right :)] when she was talking about Christianity a lot of the time being such a grey area, rather than black and white.

I struggle with this issue when it comes to explaining Christianity and my faith to others. I often question if what I'm saying is too simplified and will do more harm than good to the person I'm talking to. I do think a lot of this "grayness" issue has to do with, in my opinion, a paradoxical thing that I, and most of us, have probably noticed in our lives. The more we grow in our understanding of the Bible and in our faith intellectually, the more complex it becomes and therefore difficult to understand and explain. I know that this wrestling with the gray issues has increased tremendously since I came to college; learning through classes, friends, etc. and because of this, being challenged and seeing that many things aren't nearly as simple and clear as I thought they were.

I do wonder if some of my confusion is brought upon by myself. Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong thing or over emphasizing, such as Lewis's example of two believers arguing about the difference between two different communion doctrines (can't find it in the book right now). And I do know that the Christian journey is just that, a journey; some of the confusion I feel now will be more clear later on in life. But at the same time, we know that some of these things we struggle with are great to think about, but so far above our human minds that we won't know for certain in this life. Oh, and I guess praying about this struggle with the gray areas is a pretty good idea.

Devil vs. Angel

As I’m reading The Screwtape Letters I sometimes get this mental image of a poor guy with a typical cartoon devil sitting on one shoulder (horns and pitchfork included) and an adorable animated angel on the other (halo optional).

Unfortunately, it’s not as clear-cut and obvious as that. I guess I believed in the existence of demons, but I’m not gonna lie, it kinda scares me to think that they could have the amount of power that they do in Screwtape. I mean they are really going after this guy; every little thing in his life becomes a potential pitfall. His family, his friends, his job, his church, his every thought is constantly under attack.

In class we briefly talked about whether this book still has a message even if demons don’t exist. And if you look at it from that way, it’s still a pretty terrifying picture. The demon then actually becomes us. It’s our fallen human nature that we are constantly fighting against.

At least we can take comfort in the fact that sometimes God does shelter us from the storm. That He can send a black cloud to prevent our demons from attacking, and He really does want us to be happy, that real Pleasure brings us closer to Him.

But that of course begs the question, why doesn’t God make life that way all the time? Because the troughs force us to realize that we can’t do it on our own and we need to surrender to God. At least that’s been my experience. We need the valleys to get out of the clouds and be brought to our knees in humility and we need the mountains to realize the valleys don’t last forever. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it-1Corinthians 10:13.

Do we get to choose?

In The Great Divorce those who are in hell not only get a day pass to heaven, but they can also choose to stay. C.S. Lewis provides several character snapshots of different attitudes which ultimately lead the “ghosts” to reject heaven. Now I realize that this story is nothing more than another fictional supposition from the marvelous mind of Lewis, but seriously can we choose whether we end up in heaven or in hell?

As I was growing up, I was taught that “all you have to do to be saved is admit you are a sinner and accept Jesus into your heart.” Granted, I come from a church that is decidedly for free will, but it’s something that has confuzzled me since taking my theology class last semester. Having this freedom to accept or reject God seems to take power away from God and put it in our hands, rather than relying on nothing more than God’s grace. And according to Lewis it’s not just a one-time decision, but a series of choices which either bring you to God or distance you from Him: “To any that leaves it [the grey town] it is Purgatory…but to those who remain there they will have been Hell even from the beginning.” Certainly the ghosts depicted in The Great Divorce choose whether or not to stay.

Now that I am older I am beginning to understand that it is so much more than one day saying to God, “I’m sorry.” It’s a continual journey of sanctification and submitting to God, so Lewis’ portrayal resonates with my experience…and yet I wonder is it egotistical, wanting to give myself the power to choose?

Trough Period

In class yesterday we were talking about how God uses our trough periods and afterwards one of our classmates and I had a great talk, which was cut short by the need to go to my next class. The topic of the trough period has been very prevalent in my thoughts over the past year and a half. Last year I went through a very serious depression and suffered from anxiety attacks. I would find myself laying on the floor of my dorm room, sobbing uncontrollably, unable to pick myself up. Sometimes I would get to angry or so stressed that I would shake uncontrollably. I struggled with God why can I not give this to you? Why won’t you take this away from me?
The church so often tells you that if you suffer from depression you are not trusting God enough. Your must not have a very strong faith. But they don’t take into account that there are many psychological things that attribute to depression and anxiety. One of those is that some people just have a chemical imbalance in their brain. I have seen the effects that a little bit of medication can do to help a person. My father suffers from a fairly severe depression and if he is not taking his medication…He is such a different person. He cannot focus on his faith because he is so consumed struggling with himself. Other people, as in my case, deal with severe anxiety which is a huge contributing factor in depression. My anxiety was caused by a fairly severe manipulation caused by some people I was very close to. And I just felt like I couldn’t do anything to protect myself.
My faith just felt attacked. Part of it was that I didn’t know how to deal with my anxiety. I wasn’t taking the steps I needed to prevent myself getting hurt and I was letting my bitterness and my fear of getting hurt further take over. It took medication, counseling, and putting new tings into practice to get me back on a normal footing. And while I was questioning my faith, while I was hurting, in there I felt the peace of God. He showed himself to me in ways I would not have seen if I had not been just barely crawling, at the feet of Jesus. And I learned so much about God’s provision, God’s grace, God’s love because of how low I was. And if the church thinks that if you don’t have faith if you are depressed then they are missing out on some awesome God experiences.
If I am at a peak time in my life, that is when my faith suffers most, I think. Well, maybe not suffer, but it is on a back burner. I get busy, I forget that I need God. The love points are when I remember that I need God, that I can’t survive without him.

Heartbreak

I've been recently rereading The Four Loves again focusing on the section of charity. Lewis makes a statement that caused me to simply stop, reread it and chew on it for awhile.

We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.


(my computer won't get rid of italics so please excuse the italics of the next portion. It is not from the book)

This idea that God might be causing our hearts to break for a reason has always been a struggle of mine. Why would God want us to suffer? Why would God want us to cry? Why would He cause something that appeared to be perfect to simply fall apart? It happens in friendships, relationships, marriages, deaths. Why?

Through the past year or so, I have continued to process this concept and continuously prayed about it. This happens so God can draw us back to Him. To fully rely on Him and His strength to help us through. A lot of stuff has been happening in my life lately that is hard to handle, to deal with, that has left me lost, confused and heartbroken. But through this, I have become a stronger person. I have drawn closer to Christ.

So instead of trying to protect myself from being hurt again. I need to take those risks as C.S. Lewis was describing. I need to put down my defensive armour and simply give my all to Christ and follow His will. If I need to be broken to learn and draw closer to Him, then I simply need to put my faith in Him.